Shame

[Meliadus]

I guess that is the best word to describe the state I am in now.  I am ashamed for trying to garner attention and sympathy with my ridiculous actions and emotions.  I am ashamed because I can't seem to stop doing stupid things even though I should know better.  It's to the point that I can't even look at myself in the mirror now.  I hate what I have become, pathetic and weak.  I don't even feel like a person now, what I am is sub-human at best.  This is one of the parts of me I hate and I can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try.  I completely fucked up something good in my life and I fear it may be gone forever.

[FIzzle]

shame is the worst. and feeling it all the time, I've come to learn is not normal. People aren't designed to feel bad about everything "wrong" they do, or everything they do that they wished they hadn't, it's just too much for anyone to handle. I feel a lot of shame too, for other things than what you mentioned though. but shame is shame, it's such a weird emotion, and so hard to handle, something you really aren't supposed to talk about, so you hide it away wear it mutates into the kind of self hate the runs to your core.
But on a different note, there is a person I care about who exhibits a lot of attention seeking behaviour, and one thing I wish they would do is verbally acknowledge the impact it has on me, but on the other hand, I imagine mentioning this to anyone is probably the last thing you want to do, not that I would know, maybe you've already tried talking to people about it and it just made things worse. =/