Chronic Suicide Support

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WARNING! These jokes are in very bad taste.

If you're easily offended then fuck off!
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My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she asked, "Is that the best you can do?"

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Hey, what's your disability?"
I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.
So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

I don't know what's happening in this country. You've got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing like school children. It's a nightmare - you don't know whether to carry sweets or money.

If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?

I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

richardregius

second to last one is great.