11-21-2020, 12:02 PM
Today, November 21, 2020 is International Survivors Of Suicide Loss Day. According to the Association for suicide prevention, today is the day on "which survivors of suicide loss come together to find connection, understanding, and hope through their shared experience."
You might think that this is an odd topic where I'm quoting from a group who want to help stop suicide - but I don't think it is ... most of us know of others who have taken their own lives and we know that knowledge of others who suicide is a factor in our decision to take our own lives. We know from experience and research that knowing someone close who has suicided is a major part in our decision. It's a matter of giving ourselves permission to 'do it' based on our knowledge and friendship of others who have gone on.
I, personally, respect your right to make the decision to end your life - and I know enough of you well enough to know that I'll be one of those survivors. One of the reasons we give ourselves to 'keep on keeping on' is we don't want to hurt those who will be left behind. That, in my mind, is a valid consideration ... sometimes. If you're the sole caretaker for an ailing parent or sibling and decide you've had enough, then they may have no one who can care for them - you've hurt them in more ways than you can imagine. Other times, though, it becomes a delaying tactic ... rather than saying "I really haven't made up my mind that this is the right thing for me to do", we put the onus off on others "I would, but I don't want to leave my gramma (or my dog or cat)."
As a teenager I was friends with two kids whose father took his own life - he felt that he couldn't provide for his family, he felt he was a failure. I'll tell you he wasn't, he was having a really hard time making ends meet but what I saw in his wife and kids after the fact ... nope, he took the one way out that would leave all his family in tatters for the short run and they lost everything he was trying to save for them. I mourn him and the family he had ...
More recently we lost a member here, SIASL, who had reached the end of his rope. His health was failing, he was going to lose his home ... but through it all he was an active member here. He knew and we knew how that tale was going to end and when it did we mourned the loss of a friend.
As you remember those who have taken their own lives, think seriously about whether that's the right course for you. Maybe it is ... but maybe you'll just leave more torn apart families wondering "Why?"
You might think that this is an odd topic where I'm quoting from a group who want to help stop suicide - but I don't think it is ... most of us know of others who have taken their own lives and we know that knowledge of others who suicide is a factor in our decision to take our own lives. We know from experience and research that knowing someone close who has suicided is a major part in our decision. It's a matter of giving ourselves permission to 'do it' based on our knowledge and friendship of others who have gone on.
I, personally, respect your right to make the decision to end your life - and I know enough of you well enough to know that I'll be one of those survivors. One of the reasons we give ourselves to 'keep on keeping on' is we don't want to hurt those who will be left behind. That, in my mind, is a valid consideration ... sometimes. If you're the sole caretaker for an ailing parent or sibling and decide you've had enough, then they may have no one who can care for them - you've hurt them in more ways than you can imagine. Other times, though, it becomes a delaying tactic ... rather than saying "I really haven't made up my mind that this is the right thing for me to do", we put the onus off on others "I would, but I don't want to leave my gramma (or my dog or cat)."
As a teenager I was friends with two kids whose father took his own life - he felt that he couldn't provide for his family, he felt he was a failure. I'll tell you he wasn't, he was having a really hard time making ends meet but what I saw in his wife and kids after the fact ... nope, he took the one way out that would leave all his family in tatters for the short run and they lost everything he was trying to save for them. I mourn him and the family he had ...
More recently we lost a member here, SIASL, who had reached the end of his rope. His health was failing, he was going to lose his home ... but through it all he was an active member here. He knew and we knew how that tale was going to end and when it did we mourned the loss of a friend.
As you remember those who have taken their own lives, think seriously about whether that's the right course for you. Maybe it is ... but maybe you'll just leave more torn apart families wondering "Why?"