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Something to start the weekend ...
#1
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
***
An elderly couple is attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
***
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
***
A woman standing in front of a mirror says to her husband: "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment."

He replies, "Your eyesight is perfect."



We live by each other and for each other. Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.
-- Helen Keller
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#2
LOL!  I've heard the others, but that first one is awesome. Smile
Quote:"You'd be a lot safer & a lot happier if you were dumber."- My Therapist
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