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Sometimes it's quiet ...
Marga started a thread to the effect that it's been real quiet in here - it has been for a few days now.

I'm going to make a few observations and then, maybe, expand on them.

Some here have noted that they are or have been in abusive situations. Remember that abuse comes in many forms, we're all too aware of physical and sexual abuse; not everyone is familiar with emotional, intellectual or religious abuse - to name a few.

Most who have been abused share several symptoms, among these are:
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of change
  • Social ineptness
  • Agoraphobia and / or claustrophobia
  • A desire to avoid confrontation
  • A desire to avoid anything that resembles a crisis
I know that I can apply many on this list to myself; well not the agoraphobia, I like wide open places, they're safe - for me - I can see any danger.

On the other hand, I'm one of the more socially inept people I know - I can step on peoples toes and not even be aware that there were any feet in the neighborhood - just ask here, I'm sure there are at least a few who'll agree that I've trounced all over their feelings - I hope that all whom I've offended have have accepted my apologies.

So, where am I going with this?? We want CSS to be a safe, quiet, secure place for every member. (( not to say that makes our jobs as admin and moderators much easier )) CSS goes real quiet though - like it is now - when something happens or is perceived to be happening that triggers some of those things that we all fear.

Upon occasion one of us will succeed in our attempt to CTB – things go quiet, it's a sad time since we'll miss them, but it's, - well, not happy – but they've made their peace with whatever it was that brought them here in the first place.  (Adonais is one such, one of my first friends here.)

Sometimes one of the mods needs to leave - for different reasons – when they do we all experience a degree of sadness (okay, no parties when I depart!) probably in part because we like them and are uncertain what their future brings, in part because we know that someone new will be brought on board and we don't know how they'll act as a mod – folks, it's a steep learning curve!

Sometimes we find we have a troll in our midst – we bend over backwards to see if this person is really here because they want our companionship as they work through their problems -or- are they really here to wreck havoc.  Thankfully, in my recollection, we've only had one recently – 'say' caused enough anguish for several, but while we want to protect all of you, we also needed to make sure that he was here for less than good purposes.

Sometimes we find a member who seems to want to go their own way, disregarding the common practices that most of us follow without thinking about it.  When this happens we see several things that can occur:
  • Threads get hijacked – well,, that's an all too common occurrence here, but most of the time it goes with the flow.  Sometimes it's repeated to the point of aggravation, aggravation we all neither want nor need.
  • Topics are started in areas which aren't suitable,  Jokes in Currently Suicidal, long threads about songs, actors, etc in Sexuality.
  • Sexual discussion are in any area outside Sexuality.
  • and a thousand or so more ...
All these and others like them disturb the free and easy flow of thought and feeling we try to have here.  All cause some degree of discomfort among the other members and we try to guide the conversations away from that.

So I'll ask, let common sense prevail when you're making a post here.
  • Keep it on topic – don't hijack someone elses thread, they may need the feedback, someday you may need the feedback.
  • Keep it in the appropriate area;  we mods consider anyone posting in Currently Suicidal to be someone who needs / wants our immediate attention.  I'd feel really sad if someone posted in CS because they wanted to 'talk about it' and went on to CTB because 'no one seemed to care'.
  • We all, or maybe just almost all, of us need to vent about the day / week / month / life we've had but aren't really currently considering CTBing, drop it in Venting, that's a good place to get it off your chest and maybe someone can come in and agree “I've been there, that really sucks, sorry it's going so bad!”
  • Think about how the person to whom you're responding will see your comment BEFORE you hit post. I try to and still find myself committing faux paux.

Lastly, speaking for myself;  I like each and every one of you, some more, some less - but there is not a one of you whom I wouldn't be concerned about if you just stopped posting.  I think it safe to say that we all care about the other members of the forum, we're all concerned when things aren't "going right" CSS is a good place to talk out the problems of everyday life, many of us have been where you are, you have been where many of us will go - we can help each other through the rough spots.
We live by each other and for each other. Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.
-- Helen Keller

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