Pain...

[MindCubicle]

I think most people don't understand how a mind in pain feels, forever aching and screaming in torment. Everyday, every setback your mind screams for rest, silence, peace. Brain noise continues long after external fires have been extinguished.  As I sit here typing the noise continues...I have not contributed to this world. I have not helped anyone. I am just the voice of an ideal out of control. I am the face that meets the angry faces with a false smile and empty words. I am the one that they send to calm the masses with false hopes and empty promises. I am all of the problems in the world. I embody them and carry them with me like a monkey on my back. I can smile through the fog, it is what makes me valuable. I am easily trusted for no other reason than a kind smile and an appearance of empathy. I am an empty shell even at these times. With the shake of a hand, a pat on the back and a soft voice even the most enraged face takes the form of an old friend. This is not a trust earned, it is a trust in someone my face reflects to them. I have not earned anything. As I watch the calm wash over their faces, the storm rages inside me again. I know yet again that my puppeteers will let me down and I will be approaching these kind faces, that now regard me as friend, with news that will break their heart and spirit. I am the puppet, the face of an organization, of an agency, a business. I am a shell. I embody all that is wrong with the world. My mind screams for peace, rest, silence.

This is somewhat ammended from my very limited blog.